Rock Academy
by ahva
Summary: "School of Rock" parody. When wild wannabe rock star Toph Beifong is kicked out of her band, she gets a new job as a substitute teacher at a fancy Fire Nation prep school and teaches her students Zuko, Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee a lesson they will never forget.
1. Rock Academy 1

Toph Beifong was playing onstage with her rock band at a nightclub in Ba Sing Se. It was clear to everyone in the audience that Toph was completely wasted as she screamed nonsensical lyrics and strummed her electric guitar off-key.

When the song finished, she proceeded to take off her shirt and throw it at the crowd, exposing her bra. She flipped the bird with both hands and then jumped into the crowd, attempting to crowd surf in a leap that just resulted in a belly dive.

The customers at the nightclub booed and hissed at as the music became more garbled and intelligible. The band manager summoned Toph and the rest of the band backstage.

"This is the final straw, Toph. I have had enough of your crazy stunts!" said the manager. "You cannot offend our paying customers like this. With the Fire Nation cracking down on our hours of operation, we can't afford lose any more money."

"Oh, come on, loosen up," slurred Toph. "These livy livers are here for a rock show, not a kindergarten class."

"I'm sorry Toph, but we're going to have to fire you from The Blind Bandits."

"You can't fire me! I'm the one who _made_ this band!"

"We _are_ firing you," the manager said sternly, clutching his clipboard. "You're being asked to resign immediately."

"Whatever, man. You're just another phony, poseur sell-out. I don't need you!" Toph gave the manager the middle finger and strutted down the street in her knee-high studded boots, leather pants, and electric green bra.

* * *

That next morning, Toph awoke with a killer hangover in the cramped apartment she shared with her friends Katara and Aang. She dreaded telling her roommates that she had lost her job.

Not only had she been kicked out of her own band, she thought angrily, but she had missed her chance to complete in the Battle of the Bands at the Metal Arena, the biggest rock venue in Ba Sing Se. The Battle of the Bands offered a huge cash prize and would attract the attention of talent scouts and record agents throughout the city. This competition was occurring in the next few months, so she would have little time to put together another band if she wanted to compete.

As she cursed her situation, she heard Aang and Katara arguing outside her door.

"You have to tell her," Katara was saying sternly. 'I don't care if she's your friend. You can't let her just her walk all over you."

"But Katara! It would be mean to just kick her out," said Aang.

"Well, it's going to be an even bigger problem if all of us get kicked out on the street because of the rent!" argued Katara.

"What's up, Twinkletoes? Sugarqueen?" said Toph, strolling into their small kitchen in her bath robe and slippers.

"Toph, you need to get a job!" said Katara. "Our rent is due in a two days!"

"I know, I know,' Toph replied defensively, "and I will. Once I book a few more gigs and put out a truly epic record, then I'll pay you back whatever you want!

"I mean a _real _job Toph!" said Katara.

Aang nodded. "She's right, Toph."

"Twinkletoes! Are you really going to side with her? Remember how we used to rock out together in high school?"

"I'm sorry, Toph," he said, placing an arm around Katara's back. "But I've put that phase behind me. I have other responsibilities now. Maybe you could do something like I do with my Avatar contracting service."

Toph sighed dramatically as she thought of giving up her musical dreams. She knew Aang made a decent living with his Avatar Assistants jack-of-all-trades temping service but working at an ordinary job was really not her style.

When her roommates left for work, Aang accidentally left his cellphone behind in the apartment. The cell phone began ringing and Toph picked it up.

"Hello, is this Avatar Assistants?" said an authoritative voice. "This is general Zhao. I'm the principal of at the prestigious Fire Nation Academy. We're looking for a substitute teacher to manage one of our classrooms while our current teacher is out on sick leave."

"Um, I'm not sure you have the right number."

Zhao informed her of the amount of money that the substitute would be making each week. It was more than enough to cover Toph's share of the rent. Toph suddenly stood up straighter and modulated her voice to try to sound like her friend.

"Wait, yes, this _is _Avatar Assistants," said Toph.

"Good, because I'll need you to come in on Monday if you accept the position."

Without thinking too much about it, Toph agreed to the job. Working at a snotty prep school sounded pretty lame and she didn't know anything about teaching, but anything had to be better than moving back in with her parents.

* * *

Toph entered a classroom filled with high school students in matching black and red uniforms. They watched her silently and seriously, as if expecting a pop quiz, a long lecture, or a vicious scolding.

"Welcome to our classroom, Miss Beifong," said a girl in the front row with her folders and planners stacked precisely. "What should we be expecting from your curriculum? How exactly will our grades be determined? Is there going to be an examination at the end of the term?"

The student, whose name was Azula, seemed practically ecstatic about the possibility of a formal examination.

"Nope, there's not going to be any of that dunderheaded nonsense in _my _class," Toph said, as she leaned back in her teacher's desk. She crossed both her legs on her desk, flashing the bubblegum stuck to the bottom of her boots. "I'm going to sit here and hang and you all can just do whatever you want. Nap, eat your snacks, go outside for recess, I don't' care."

"Then how will you be assigning merits and demerits?" Azula asked. "We have an Honor system at Fire Nation Academy. As you can see from the chart on the wall, the golden sun stickers are the merits and the black circles are the demerits."

Azula's name was positioned highest on the chart and she had the most golden sun stickers. Her brother, Zuko, had his name at the bottom of the chart, with only black circles.

Toph scoffed. "No, I can't see your little chart I'm afraid, as I'm blind. But even the _idea _of such a stupid chart sickens me to death. From now on, there will be no merits or demerits in my classroom! Just do whatever you all do, and I'll be over here, doing what I'm doing."

"Really? Awesome!" said Ty Lee. She began wandering about the room, trying to start conversations with her classmates.

Mai yawned as she doodled swords and arrows in her notebook.

Zuko sat with his eyes glancing downward as if expecting to get in trouble at any minute.

Azula glared at Toph, who had begun napping and snoring loudly. Toph woke to the sound of Principal Zhao approaching down the hall.

"Woah, everybody! Quickly, back to your seats!" Toph yelled, waving her hands.

The students returned quickly to their seats for fear of being caught slacking off by the strict principal. Principal Zhao told the class that the time had arrived for their daily music lesson. The teenagers lined up and followed Principal Zhao to the music room.

As Toph sat in the bathroom, she heard a sound through the wall. The students were playing their instruments in the music room down the hall and they were actually _skilled__. _Their musical abilities were equal to those of some of the professional acts she admired, although the song the music teacher was having them practice was a super boring classical piece.

Suddenly, Toph had a jolt of inspiration. Maybe she wouldn't just sit around doing nothing the whole semester while pretending to teach. Maybe she should make real use of her students' talents and turn these livy-livered Fire Nation dunderheads into an awesome band in time to win the Battle of the Bands at the Metal Arena.

At the beginning of the next school day, Toph announced that the class had a new assignment. For this semester, the would be creating a rock band to compete in a rock music competition. They would be practicing for the competition every day instead of focusing on any of their usual studies.

Azula raised her hand and interrupted. "Excuse me…Miss Beifong was it? I don't know if you're aware, but our parents pay thousands of dollars a semester for us to be in this school. I would think that a project this late in the semester would be a distraction from other courses."

"Well I spoke with Principle Zhao and he is totally on board with it. He said how well you do at the Battle of the Bands competition could reflect really highly on the, uh, honor of the school!"

Zuko sat up straighter in his seat. "We should be well prepared to compete then. Every year for the Summer Solstice Festival, we perform the traditional ceremonial song 'Petals Falling Softly on a Field of Dew.'"

"Fiery hells." said Toph, "How are you expecting to crush the competition at Battle of the Bands with some pansy song like that?"

"Whatever, who cares?" Mai said.

"WHO CARES?" Toph said. "Excuse me, what's your name?

"It's Mai."

"Now, Mai. Listen to me. What do you think Rock and Roll is all about?"

"I don't know, getting high?" said Mai.

"NO!" Toph pointed towards Ty Lee. "What about you? What do you think?"

"Becoming famous?" said Ty Lee.

"No!"

"Throwing your life away for losers who don't have any real talents?" suggested Azula.

Toph stomped her feet and paced. "No, no, no! You _guys. _Rock and Roll isn't about any of that stupid stuff like that! Rock is about sticking it to The Man. You know, the Man! Oh, you _know_ the Man. Those control freaks who lie to you all day, every day, telling you that there's no war in Ba Sing Se or that young ladies have to sit up straight and mind their manners, or that artificial diet Cactus Juice is just as good as regular Cactus Juice."

"Zuko, come up here," Toph said. "I want you to help me demonstrate. Bring your horn."

Zuko awkwardly walked to the front of the room, carrying his tsungi horn over his shoulder.

"I need you to stand like this, yeah, with your shoulders back like you're about to kick butt." With her hands on his shoulders, Toph arranged Zuko into a stronger, more defiant stance. "Okay, now I'll play the awesome song I've been working on for the contest and when I give you the signal, you come in with a horn solo!"

Toph stood in a dramatic posture as she imagined herself at the front of the stage at the Metal Arena. She began to sing in a raw, gravely tone.

_In an ancient time_

_A legend once was born _

_But when the world needed her_

_Suddenly, she vanished!  
_

_From her nighttime gig _

_How could she be fired? _

_From her mighty throne_

_How could the queen be banished! _

_But the world will not forget her!_

_For no one was ever better! _

_In the LEGEND of the GREATEST METAL SHREDDER! _

"Now, one! Two! Three! Go!"

Zuko burst into a solo on his tsungi horn. The blaring of the horn sounded like a dragon breaking out of a cage and lighting up the sky. Toph punched both her hands into the air as she reacted to the dramatic blasts.

"Woah, Zuko, I didn't know you could rip! You know what? From now on, you are no longer called Zuko! From now on, I dub thee The Brassy Dragon!"

Zuko returned to his seat, glowing shyly from his teacher's praise.

Toph proceeded to lecture on the history of Rock and Roll while the students watched her with varying degrees of interest, confusion, and mockery.

She ended the day by passing out mixtapes. She instructed her students to listen to different musicians as their homework.

"Rainbow Bright," Toph said to Ty Lee. "Your assignment is to listen to Cyndi Lauper's 'True Colors' and David Bowie's 'Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust'."

"Goth Assassin," Toph said to Mai. "I'm assigning you the The Smiths' 'How Soon is Now' and Joy Division's 'Unknown Pleasures.'"

"Brassy Dragon." She handed another mixtape to Zuko. "Listen to the horns on Springsteen's "Born to Run,' John Cafferty's 'On the Dark Side,' and 'Shining Star' by Earth, Wind and Fire."

"Electric Princess." She grinned at Azula, handing over the final mixtape. "I want you to listen to Lana Del Rey's killer vibrato on 'Gods and Monsters,' 'Cinnamon Girl' and 'The Blackest Day' and also to pay attention to how much constantly sucking up to The Man messes with Lana's mental health."

"Okay, now, class dismissed!" Toph said with her hands on her hips. She was beginning to like this teaching thing.


	2. Rock Academy 2

After a week of classes, Toph was disappointed with the progress of the class rock band. Every time Toph led the class through another rehearsal of her song, Mai would lackadaisically tap on the drums while Ty Lee kept missing her cues because she was flirting with her classmates. Zuko blew jagged notes on his horn whenever Azula shot him a malicious look. On top of these problems, all of the Fire National students were stiff and awkward, not at all like the kickass band Toph envisioned.

"You're still playing like a bunch of pansies," said Toph at the end of a particularly tragic run-through. "I need you to loosen up! Rock isn't about perfection! Rock is about making a mess, stomping your feet, smashing the system!"

"You want us to be even louder and more terrible?" asked Mai as she rolled her eyes for what must have been the hundredth time that day.

"No, not more _terrible!" _Toph stomped her foot. "I want you to be more EPIC! I want you to play like you could melt my face off!"

Toph heard a twittering of laughter from Azula behind her.

"What's so funny?"

"You," Azula said. "You wouldn't know this, but Zuko _already _has his face melted off. He has a burn scar all over the side of his face!"

Toph felt her cheeks burn with regret at her comment. Zuko stormed out of the room as Azula gloated.

Toph had already sensed Zuko's nervousness in front of others. She wondered if his scar was the reason he tended to hang in the background despite his musical talents.

Toph found Zuko at the corner of the hallway. He was putting his tsungi horn back into his locker.

Zuko's voice was raspy and defeated. "Azula's right. I shouldn't be in the band. Maybe you should just have me write an essay instead."

"But Zuko!" said Toph, "You're the Brassy Dragon! We _need_ you for a truly killer show!"

"But when I stand up on stage all everyone will see is my scar."

"They won't care what you look like once they hear what you _sound _like!" insisted Toph. "At least I won't care because I'm blind as fuck."

"Besides," Toph added cheekily, "all of the biggest rock stars have some kind of wild mohawk or crazy tattoo or badass scar. How do you think they get all the chicks?"

"I don't know. I thought it was because the girls at those shows were really drunk?"

"No, Zuko! Everyone knows it's because rocker girls like dudes who give the Man what for! Rebels! Bad boys! Guys who are _mysterious _and _dangerous _and _poetic _and all that shit!"

Zuko smiled shyly. "Do you really think so? Because I always thought what girls cared about the most was a man's honor."

"Brassy Dragon, don't make me punch you," said Toph. "Now, get back in there and let's finish this jam session!"

* * *

After Toph had convinced Zuko to return to the classroom, she turned her attention to the student who was giving the most trouble.

"Electric Princess, I need to talk with you too."

Azula followed her teacher to hall outside. "What? Are you going to nag me about being nicer to my loser brother?"

"No," said Toph bluntly. "I'm pulling you aside because I need to tell you that your singing sucks."

Azula crossed her arms and gave Toph a sideways smirk. "I'll have you know that I am a classically trained vocalist. I won several awards at the last Summer Solstice Festival."

"Maybe you have some shiny awards from some fancy-smancy festival, but the way you sing is fake as hell. There's no vulnerability, no emotions or passion. It's so flawless and mechanical that it sounds like it was auto-tuned! It wouldn't connect at all with a live audience."

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm too good a singer for uncultured Earth Kingdom tastes," said Azula.

Toph threw her hands in the air, almost wishing she could take the girl and shake her. "Don't you relate at _all _to the song we're practicing? Haven't you ever been fired from a job or through a painful breakup? Haven't you ever felt pissed and heartbroken and wanted revenge?

"No," replied Azula coolly, "unlike _some _people I've always succeeded at school and work and I've never needed a relationship because I know that would only slow me down."

"When then," Toph said, trying to hold onto her last nerve. "Why don't you take a deep breath and _imagine _what it would feel like to fail at something, or experience rejection, and then _try _to sing as if you have real, human emotions."

"You BITCH!" Azula screamed, her eyes inflamed with fury. "You don't know anything about me!"

"Good!" Toph clasped her hands together and then pointed at Azula. A delighted smile lit up the rock teacher's face. "That's it! That's the energy I want you to put into your singing!"

Azula thought her teacher had to be completely mental. Did she actually _want _her students to hate her? Well, fine, Azula thought, if that's the kind of performance Toph wanted, that's exactly what she would get!

* * *

Zuko sat in his bedroom at home, thinking of how strange school had become since Toph had arrived as his new substitute. Toph wasn't at all like his usual teachers. Even though she was about his own age, she reminded him of his eccentric uncle Iroh. He wondered why she was working as a teacher instead of in school herself, if it had something to do with her blindness or just her wild yet ambitious nature.

Usually, Zuko's lessons involved teachers scolding him for all his mistakes and reminding him of his duty to behave. After school, he would have worksheets to complete, essays to finish, standardized test prep tutoring, and mandatory fencing practice. Zuko kept trying desperately to excel, hoping that he might impress his father with his efforts, but he knew deep down that it was useless. He would never be as gifted as Azula at any of the subjects or extracurriculars that his father valued.

After making himself a cup of tea, Zuko played the mixtape Toph had assigned for homework. He was listening to the horn section on "Thunder Road" when his dad entered his room, yelling "What's that racket? You better not be goofing off!"

Zuko turned the radio off immediately. "No, it's just my homework. It's for music class-"

"Well, I _hope _you're not wasting your time with that stupid tsungi horn," said Ozai. "You know you're falling behind in all your other subjects. If you don't improve in your _real _subjects, I'll have to take your horn away like I did with all your other childish toys."

Ozai slammed the door. Zuko felt himself fuming with anger. He kicked the side of his bed, wishing for once he could tell his father what he really thought of his constant commands and criticisms.

* * *

The next day in class, while the rest of the students ran around at recess, Zuko hunched over his desk, furiously writing in his notebook. He began singing the lyrics he was working on under his breath.

_Since I was a child, I was always told _

_To stop wasting my time on fun _

_And to focus on other goals_

_But how can I succeed _

_When fire comes from the heart? _

_And the rhythm in my heart is rock and roll! _

_Now my time has come around_

_I won't let you knock me down_

_I have to stand my ground and take control! _

_FIRE DUEL!_

_FIRE DUEL! _

_Tell everyone_

_In the entire school!_

_Flames to the sky!  
_

_It's time to rule! _

_It's an AGNI KAI!_

_FIRE DUEL!_

"Oh my God, Zuko," said Toph, who had heard Zuko singing the chorus. "Did you write that song? You didn't tell me you could write lyrics."

"I know, it's really cheesy." Zuko shrugged.

"It's not cheesy, it's METAL!" said Toph. "That's the song we should play in the contest!"

"What about your song?"

"Nah, my song was kinda lame," Toph admitted.

From then on, the students began practicing Zuko's song and the band started to pull together. Toph put Ty Lee in charge of the choreography, so the fidgety girl would have something to do when she wanted to move around. Mai began to focus on her drumming as she let herself experiment with the percussion. Azula still glared at Toph and Zuko every chance she had, but at least began channeling some of her icy-hot rage into her singing instead of hurtful remarks. Zuko also sounded more bold and confident. As she listened to the class improve, Toph started to realize that she actually cared about her students, not just about winning the contest.

Meanwhile, Principal Zhao started becoming suspicious. He was certain something fishy was going because the students at Fire Nation Academy weren't acting the way they usually did. They were humming out loud as they strolled down the halls, wearing odd hairstyles and accessories with their uniforms, and talking to each other as if they were actually friends. One student even smiled at Principal Zhao…SMILED! Zhao was determined to discover the source of this rebellious treachery and to stomp it out once and for all.


	3. Rock Academy 3

Principal Zhao paced on heels as he considered how to crush the happiness of the students at Fire Nation Academy. He noticed Ty Lee skipping down the hall as she hummed a song under her breath.

"You!" said Zhao. "What are you so happy about now?"

"Oh, principal! I'm, um...I'm just practicing the song that our rock and roll band is going to play at the Battle of the Bands! It's going to be great! We'll make the whole school really proud!"

Zhao's anger flared when he heard the words "rock and roll band." Ever since a bad trip he had while listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, Zhoa had considered rock and roll to be the music of the devil. How could this outrage have been going on under his watchful eye? He would have to put an end to it at once!

Principal Zhao stormed into Toph Beifong's classroom, where he found the students shuffling into their seats and trying to put away their instruments.

"What in the name of all that is honorable is going on here?" Zhao asked angrily.

"Oh Hi, Principal Zhao," said Toph, affecting her best "innocent little blind girl doing nothing mischievous" voice. "We were just using some recently developed studying techniques to help the students improve their test scores."

The principal was not impressed by this answer. "What is this I hear about a _rock and roll band?" _

"That's part of the studying technique. Research has shown that music is a highly effective tool for learning."

"You can't fool me with your evil hippie nonsense!" Principal Zhao shouted while pointing in her direction. "I know _exactly_ what you're up to! You're an agent of the devil trying to seduce our honorable students through the dark anarchy of the moon!"

"_That sounds super cool,"_ thought Toph, although she was pretty sure Principal Zhao didn't understand the difference between a hippie and a Satanist.

"No, really, I'm just trying to teach," she said. "I thought a band might help the students work together and a project could be motivating."

"I'll have you know that the Fire Nation Academy is a clean, good school! We will have nothing to do with such wicked enchantments and so-called entertainments! You're fired! And once I have my way, you'll never work in this city again!"

A ringing silence echoed through the room as the students looked at their teacher anxiously.

Zuko shot an accusing glare. "So you _lied _to us? There was never really was a class project?"

The rasp of betrayal in his voice pierced her heart. She didn't really mind pissing off some lame jerk like Principal Zhoa, but she had never meant to hurt her students.

"I'm really sorry you guys," Toph said with her bangs covering her face. "I never meant to get you all in trouble. At first my reasons for starting the band were kind of selfish, but now I really believe in all of you. You're all so cool and amazingly talented. I just wanted to create something awesome together."

She walked quietly out of the room and Zhao shut the door behind her.

"That's it!" said the principal. "All of you hooligans are going with me to detention!"

He led them in a single file into detention AKA The Boiling Rock, so named because the boiler in the room had been stuck at 95 degrees and hadn't been fixed since 1988.

The students sulked and sweat in the fiery detention room.

"Bummer," said Mai, kicking the wall. "This class was just starting to be not totally boring."

Ty Lee sighed as she realized her dreams of becoming a performer had been dashed yet again. "It was fun while it lasted."

Azula clenched both her fists, a dark resolve setting her eyes. "You morons! You can't give up this easily! Do you still want to win the competition or not?!"

"But Azula," said Zuko. "The competition is today. How are we supposed to win anything if we're stuck in detention?"

"Then we'll just have to break _out _of detention, won't we?" said Azula pointedly as she opened her lip gloss set and revealed the tiny screwdriver she had hidden within.

Azula unscrewed the bolts in the window and opened it. One by one, her friends followed her in climbing down a fire escape.

Zuko was hesitated as he considered just how much trouble he was already in.

"Are you coming with us or not, Zuzu?" his sister goaded from the street below.

Gritting his teeth, he began to climb downward.

* * *

Toph walked slowly back towards her apartment as she dreaded telling her roommates she had been fired yet again and that this time she really was going to have to move back in with her parents. Maybe her mom and dad had been right all along. Maybe it was nothing more than a childish delusion to think she could be a musician. Maybe all she did was disappoint her family and friends with her stubborn dreams and acts of rebellion.

Toph figured that she might as well pop into the Metal Arena to listen to a few of the acts in the Battle of the Bands before she had to put away her guitar for good.

A few bands played, none of them particularly impressive in her opinion. A girl name Song sang a song that was sweet and melodic if not exactly 'rock and roll.'

Then, all at once, she heard their voices and footsteps. The lights came up on the students of the Fire Nation Academy strutting onstage dressed in costumes and done up in makeup styles from Zuko's mom's old days in the Ember Island Players.

Zuko took the microphone to introduce the band. "We're the Dragons of the West and we'd like to take a moment to dedicate this song to the world's greatest Rock and Roll Master, Sifu Toph Bei Fong!"

_You may think that we're just teens_

_Easy prey for your evil schemes_

_But we were made to be kings and queens_

_Not just pawns in your war machines!_

_Fire duel_

_Fire duel_

_Prove to the world that you're no tool_

_You're no liar, you're no fool_

_In an Agni Kai_

_FIRE DUEL  
_

_FIRE DUEL!_

_FIRE DUEL! _

_Tell everyone_

_In the entire school!_

_Flames to the sky!  
It's time to rule! _

_It's an AGNI KAI!  
FIRE DUEL!_

Zuko slid across the stage as he executed an ass-kicking tsungi horn solo and Azula belted a high note into the heavens.

Glorious pyrotechnic red and black dragons lit up the stage behind them as glittering gold and silver confetti rained on the audience.

The crowd roared as they rose to their feet clapping. The judge announced that The Dragons of the West were the winners of the contest.

Zuko's father, Ozai, tried to get on stage. "You're disowned, young man," he said, as he was held back by a bodyguard.

"Whatever, dad," Zuko said. "I already decided to move in with Uncle Iroh."

"And you, young lady! You're in even more trouble!"

Azula just turned around and joined Ty Lee and Mai on their side of the stage.

Toph ran backstage to congratulate the band. "That was soooo awesome! You guys! That was the best show I've ever seen!"

"You've never seen any shows," said Mai.

"Yeah, it sucked," said Toph grinning.

"I'm sorry you won't be able to go back to teaching," said Ty Lee. "Principal Zhao is such a poop head."

"I don't know, there might be a way for you to still teach us," said Zuko, with a cocky smirk.

Zuko suggested they give Toph the prize money, so she could start her own music school. The students all agreed- including Azula, on the condition that she could manage their money.

So that was the beginning of Toph Beifong's Metal Shredding Academy. From then on, Sifu Toph and the Dragons of the West reigned in the City of Ba Sing Sei as the legendary masters of rock and roll.


End file.
